[spoken by Jello Biafra]

Ladies and gentlemen
Welcome to the disclaimer
That's right, the disclaimer
This American apple pie institution known as parental discretion
Will cleanse any sense of innuendo or sarcasm from the lyrics that might actually make you think
And will also insult your intelligence at the same time
So protect your family
This album contains explicit depictions of things which are real
These real things are commonly known as life
So, if it sounds sarcastic, don't take it seriously
If it sounds dangerous, do not try this at home or at all
And if it offends you, just don't listen to it.